The EVIL Behind eGroups
by Coneflower Adams
Summary: This is VERY off-the-wall fic. I co-wrote it with Slacker. She did all her lines; I wrote the rest. Me and Slacker go into the insane world of Nuballs and Newsies to go find the evil behind eGroups! BTW, we were not on anything when we wrote this, mind yo


The EVIL Behind Egroups  
Little Intro-This fic was written at four in the morning and is really off the wall *hehe*...that's the best kind. And, me and Slacker wrote it b/c we were bored and egroups was being VERY evil ((which it still is))...lol!   
  
Cone logged onto the net and was all ready to go into egroups and chat. But, when she got there, a fat guy said he was a plummer and fixing the freakin' site. Cone screamed and run into a wall. "There has to be some way to get in this evil egroups! I have to IM Slacker and see if she is having the same prob" Cone yelled.   
  
Slacker was starring blankly at the screen wonder where the hell Coney Baloney went.   
  
Cone IMed Slacker and waited for her reply.   
  
Slacker shot up from her slight nap after she heard that obnoxcious 'bling' sound and hit the reply button.   
  
"GAWL!" *waits for the bling*   
  
*bling* *bling* "Huh?" Cone stared.   
  
Slacker IMed Cone to inform her how evil egroups is   
  
"ha! ha! I knew this was the work of evil!" Cone said, dramaticlly, jumping up.   
  
"What are we to do about this situation?" Slacker asked   
  
"I think you know what we have to do!" Cone said, but forgot to type it so it took a little longer for the dramaticness to go though.   
  
Slacker being the slow idiot she is asked "Uhh...I do?"   
  
"Of course you do! Just hit the 'Q' button! No one ever uses that button" Cone said.   
  
"Ahh, yes the "Q" button! I should have known!" Slacker said understanding   
  
Cone and Slacker press the 'Q' button and was transported back in time to the year 1899. "We are here!" Cone said, standly proudly again.....   
  
"Whoa..COOL!!" Slacker said "ya think there are any near by beds i could take a slight nap in?"   
  
Cone rolled her eyes and pulled Slacker along. "Uh......you can sleep in Horase Greenley's lap."   
  
"NO!, I'm awake I swear!" the last place Slacker wanted to sleep was Horrace Greely's lap..   
  
"Ha!" Cone laughed, she laughed her head then they sat there on the corner confused for a moment till they realized what they were there for.   
  
"Welp! Now what do we do?" Slacker asked.   
  
Cone looked around then jumped up into her Footloose pelvic thrust. "We shall go find the newsies and tell them of this evil! "Let's go!" She started to walk down the street really fast to the lodging house b/c she was psychic!   
  
Slacker rolled her eyes and ran after Cone to catch up. She mumbled to herself 'Always has to be ahead..' ((lol…Slacker))   
  
Cone and Slacker all the sudden spotted the lodging house. "Look!" She pointed to it knocking Slacker. "Opps..sorry" Cone helped her back up.   
  
Slacker dusted her pants off "Thanks" she said sarcastically   
  
"Shall we proceed?"   
  
"Yes we shall!" Cone and Slacker walked into the lodging house convently located right in front of them. They saw Kloppman doing something suspious behind his desk. "hello!"   
  
Kloppman popped up "Uh. yes yes, what can I do for you?"   
  
"We are here on an investigation about the evil behind egroups. We are looking for the Newsies!" Cone said. Kloppman became pale.   
  
"That's right!" Slacker said "Do you know something Mr. Elf sir??"   
  
Kloppman grew even more pale. "How do you know my..." he leaned in..."real name?"   
  
"Wild guess" Slacker replied.   
  
Kloppman excepted that answer. "Just don't tell anyone."   
  
"Okay!" Cone piped up out of no where.   
  
"Well. Where are the newsies?!?" Slacker asked.   
  
"They'll be here soon. Hopefully." Kloppman answered.   
  
Suddenly, a little bunny came hopping up to Cone and Slacker.   
  
"Uhh..Cone..theres a bunny.." Slacker said   
  
Cone snapped out of her dreamland of thinking about how her and Kloppman would make a cute couple and looked down at the bunny.   
  
"Ack! It's a bunny!" she squealed and picked it up.   
  
"Yeah...AN EVIL bunny!!" Slacker said.   
  
"ACK!" Cone gasped dropping it. "An evil bunny!" Then the bunny turned into Les. "It is evil!"   
  
"EVIL!!!! AHHHHHHHH" Slacker screamed "Get it away, get it away!" Les grinned. "I love you!" He tried to attack Cone and Slacker with a hug. They screamed and run out the LH. Kloppman laughed, and smacked the boy with his broom which made Les turn into a bunny again.   
  
"Now what?!?" Slacker delcared   
  
Cone thought for a sec. "Let's go find the newsies!" She ran off to Tibbys with Slacker barely behind.   
  
Tibbys was full of newsies. The dancing waiter, Wally, was break-dancing on the table tops.   
  
"Well theres something you dont see everyday" Slacker said while pointing at the dancing waiter   
  
"Nope!" Cone replied. Then, she noticed something about all the newsies. "Oh no!"   
  
"What?" Slacker asked   
  
Cone walked up to Blink - who was actually not smiling for once - and stuck her finger in his glass, tasting his drink. "I know it! It's Pulitzer juice!"   
  
"Dun Dun Dun. Not Pulitzer juice. What are we gonna do!" Slacker began to worry   
  
Cone stared at the wall for a while in dreamland.   
  
"CONE! If i cant sleep, you cant dream!"   
  
"Huh? Wha'?" Cone came out of dreamland. "Oh, yes! We have too....." she got cut off by one of the newsies.   
  
"How's it rollin' ladies?" Race asked, swerving back and forth till he was knocked out by the dancing waiter.   
  
"Oh taht cant be good" Slacker pointed out the obvious as usual.   
  
Just then, the newsies started to go out into the street trying to dance and sing. "wha' a *hiccup* fine wife....carryin' da panner through it fall...." They tried jumping over the barrels, but it wasn't pretty. Mush tried to do a flip but rolled down the street a little ways.   
  
"Cone, this is not good.." Slacker said.   
  
Cone watched in horror. "Nope, we need to do something."   
  
"And what do you plan on doing Miss 'I always know what to do'?" Slacker said.   
  
Cone shrugged. "I don't know."   
  
"I say we dance with 'em!....but that wouldnt help any would it?"   
  
"We might get killed if we dance with 'em" Cone said, but did it anyway.   
  
Snitch jumped off the barrel and landed in a split which tore his pants and made his teeth go back into his head and that weird looking curl disappeared making him a gorgeous guy. Sarah ran up to him all excited and got his autograph then swallowed it making her choke and die.   
  
Jack hugged the lamppost. "hey bay-bay!" He kissed the lamppost. "I love ya, man!"   
  
Davey walked over to him. "Uh.....isn't that what your suppose to be saying to me?"   
  
Dutchy somehow found a canvas and paint and started to paint the girls who were just staring blankly at the newsies.   
  
"Cone, this is not a good situation,," Slacker said.   
  
Cone and Slacker posed for Dutchy. He painted really fast. Cone came out of her pose. "Nope, let's go do something over there" She pointed somewhere.   
  
"Alright.." Slacker agreed.   
  
Spot walked around hitting things with his cane until he fell in a man-hole. "I'm okay! My pride was broken tho! Does anyone care?"   
  
*fastward to midnight* "hello...."   
  
Cone and Slacker ran to the distribution office to find some more evil that could be behind this...uh....what was the reason for this fic? Oh yeah! To find some more evil that could be behind the egroups things. yeah, that's it!   
  
Cone rang the bell and acted really annoying like Jack.   
  
"Weasel....weasel....."   
  
*fastward to midnight again* The 'broken pride' ambulance finally came for Spot, but they were too late! He had turned into the sweetest guy in the world. He leaped around, throwing his cane and hitting Judge Monohan in the head.   
  
Cone talked to Weasel as Slacker did her evil homework ((grr.....)). "So, Weasel, ya know of a place called egroups?"   
  
Weasel's belly jiggled like jelly and he started to walk around the Penguin in Batman. "I know no such thing!"   
  
Cone leaned in and whispered. "Yes you do."   
  
Weasel thought of the only thing he could to get the girls away from him so he stuck his finger in his mouth and tried to wipe it on them. They ran off in horror again.   
  
Cone and Slacker *with evil homework in hand* ran out into Newsie square where Spot [the girl] was dancing around on the Horace Greenley statue.   
  
Just then, the newsies started to march up the street. "When ya gots hundred *hiccup* ((isn't it so cool how their *hiccups* are all at the same time? They do know how to *hiccup* in unison like they do singing)) boice ringin', what can fear dat palsy wowsy whistle blow?"   
  
The guys were all in a straight line when they lifted their kilts that they bought along the way from a cool Scottish guy b/c Wisecracks burned their pants again. Okay, they lifted their kilts and mooned the distribution office. ((Yay!))   
  
Slacker took a slight break from the evilness that is homework "What we're we here for again?"   
  
Cone stared at all the newsies with their kilts on. "Uh......I can't remember. Oh yeah, find evil behind egroups blah blah blah.."   
  
"Oh..yeah..." Slacker said looking at the newsies.   
  
Just then, the 'Les' bunny hopped up to them. "ACK!" they screamed and ran away. "I think we have forgotten the root of all the evil in the insane world of nutballs and newsies" Cone announced to everyone around her. Cone jumped on a wagon and started to do a line dance.   
  
Slacker just stared blankly at Cone who stopped line dancing on the wagon and went to Pulitzer's building. She scaled the walls until she was at the top. Slacker took the elevator.   
  
"Cone..i know i've asked ya a million times but..now what?"   
  
Cone jumped in a dramatic pose once again. "We shall confront Pulitzer about being evil!"   
  
"Oh yeah..this 'ill work.." Slacker said slightly sarcastic   
  
"Ha! ha! Yes it will!" Cone said, bursting into Pulitzer's office.   
  
Slacker lagged behind……   
  
Pulitzer was smoking his cigar. He looked up to see two girls in his office. "What are you doing here?"   
  
"We've come to stop you!" Cone yelled, pointing her finger at him.   
  
Pulitzer stared at them for a second then started to spin around in his chair. It was a swivel chair. What fun! "Weeeeeeeeeee....."   
  
" 'Eh Pulitzer! We're talking to ya!" Slacker exclaimed   
  
"What do you mean?" Pulitzer asked. "Of course ya talking to me."   
  
"You were getting a little to occupied wit yer chair there" Slacker commented.   
  
"YOU! are the one behind egroups shutting down on April Fools Day, weren't you?" Cone demanded an answer.   
  
Pulitzer looked at Slacker and said, "I like my swivel chair."   
  
"Screw the chair! Answer the question!" Slacker said.   
  
"Eep!" Pulitzer screamed. "I don't know what a egroup is" He was acting innocent.   
  
Cone leaned over to Slacker. "Should we trust him?"   
  
"Dude! why ya asking me? you know i cant think for myself" Slacker said.   
  
"Uh........that's right.....uh......" Cone stuttered.   
  
Pulitzer jumped on his desk and started to can-can dance. "Is a guilty man gonna can-can dance for two girls who are trying to accuse him of a crime?" He fell into a split and started to wave his colorful skirt that he borrowed from Jonathan.   
  
"uhhhh...i think he's innocent" SLacker decided   
  
Cone fell out of dreamland again and shrugged. "Okay." and she walked out. But, then, she stopped and said, "who is the evil behind this?!" she ran back into Pulitzer's office.   
  
"Cone! yer making me dizzy!"   
  
"Opps...sorry" Cone apoligized.   
  
"its all right"   
  
"Okay!" Cone shouted for no reason at all.   
  
Pulitzer was back in his chair twirling around. "Weeeeeeeee......"   
  
"PULITZER! we're backkk" Slacker shouted.   
  
Pulitzer fell out his chair and his cigar fell on Jonathan which burned him to a crisp. There was absolutley no reason for Cone and Slacker to go back into Pulitzer's office but it was fun to bug him.   
  
"Hey JOE! Can ya *poke* something for me?" Cone asked.   
  
"Haha!!, yeah Joe!"   
  
When Pulitzer heard *poke*, he got all excited and started bouncing like a teenage girl.   
  
"Dang Joe!..I think we best be leaving now.." Slacker said.   
  
"ACK! Slacker, I wanna ask him to *poke* something for me" Cone got that evil look in her eye.   
  
"Ok..."   
  
"I wonder how the guys are doing?" a random question from Cone that just sorta came out.   
  
Pulitzer got in Cone's face. "Are you gonna let me *poke* something or what?!"   
  
"Of course, I am!" Cone leaned in to talk to Putlizer. "Go *poke* Weasel's belly. I wanna see him blow up!"   
  
Pulitzer jumped out the window and glided down onto the street.   
  
"Aww! this should be good!" Slacker said.   
  
"So now, we shall go find that evil" Cone said walking out of the building.   
  
"Oh yeah the evil that was the cause of us coming here right?"   
  
"yeah! that's it!" Cone said, who had forgot the reason why they had come there...J/K!   
  
Just then, the 'Les' bunny hopped up to them and Cone figured it out that it was LES behind it all a long!   
  
"AHHH! THE 'LES' BUNNY IS BACK!!!" Slacker shouted.   
  
"Nooooooooooooooooooo.....we have to defeat him!" Cone said, dramaticly.   
  
All the sudden, Skittery turned into a snake and ate Les and there was much rejoice! Yay!   
  
All the guys were knocked out of their drunkenness on Pulitzer juice and started to celebrate. They made a huge conga line going down the street.   
  
Pulitzer *poked* Weasel and Weasel went flying throw the air and confetti came out of him and littered the streets and everyone was happy!   
  
"Well, it looks like we beat the evil.." Slacker said.   
  
"Yep yep!" Cone said, looking for Mush in the crowd.   
  
"Hmmm......now what?"   
  
"Dont Ask Me!!!"   
  
Snoddy and Pie Eater revealed that they were the 'two wild and crazy guys' from Saturday night live and started to hit up on girls by doing their little shimmy shake thing.   
  
Jack played with his doll.....((don't ask))….that he bought for Les.   
  
Race finally woke up at Tibby's and wondered what the heck had happen.   
  
Davey did.....something......Looks around for Davey and finds Denton is missing too then realizes that Denton wasn't in this fic and makes Davey appear in the boxing ring where he gets beat to a polp.   
  
Swify biked through the streets in a wedding dress, singing that Dixie Chick song "Ready to Run."   
  
The cool French dude with the outragous accent took over Pulitzer's tower and shouted rude comments to everyone. "I fart in your general direction!"   
  
Kloppman skipped through the streets sprinkling fairy dust on everyone. Boots was goosing everyone right before he flow away from Kloppman's fairy duct.   
  
Medda got eaten by that evil looking puppet at Irving Hall, b/c her red hair looked delicious.   
  
Cone saw Mush and latched onto him. "Hey bay-bay!" Then she ripped off his skimpy muscle shirt and run down the street with it in her hand. "Muhahahahaha" Mush chased her ((*te he* oh my dream!)).   
  
"Hey, please give me back my shirt" Mush pleaded.   
  
"You're gonna have to catch me first!" Cone shouted. "Ya gotta give me some extra lovin' when you catch me tho!"   
  
Spot and Slacker got married and lived at White Castle.   
  
And, the newsies mailing list was overjoyed to see that egroups was not being evil anymore. And, they built a statue in Cone and Slacker's honor. And, Daphne HOYed on it! Cone and Slacker never left the insane world of Nutballs and Newsies again. YAY!   
  
  
The Happy End!   



End file.
